8th of Jan

43. it has been sealed. nothing more, nothing less.

two months

hey, this post aint really going to be about unicorns and all the good things in life! but heh, it's about my life. the one whole month before IB was definitely the toughest of my life. I studied really hard since i totally failed my prelims; fcuk 37 points! (i deserve a good fcuking thrashing for that). I mean, i never scored so freaking low in my life. I was definitely afraid, fearful that I would not be able to achieve my goals. My entire life flashed before my eyes the day I got my prelim results. I felt like a total failure. FAILURE. i guess, it was a good lesson but heh, I am really fearful about my actual results. Everyone's really happy about IB being over and all, but I have already started thinking about the 6th of Jan. What will happen if I dont achieve my goals? I have worked hard towards it for the past few years. AND i definitely cannot let go of it. AT ALL COSTS. I decided to consider medicine as one of my career options not because of the prestige or the money but for the passion (Since Pri 4!) My eyes seem to have been fixed on this goal for a really long time and I really hope that I get what I want; not for me, but for my family. Thus, after the results, the next 4 weeks were intense. so intense that i fainted once. i guess it was only because of my parents, teachers, and friends that I was able to get past my worries and consider the results of being able to fulfill my dreams. i guess the hardest time was during the exam period itself. I was literally panicking while some of my friends seemed to be kinda carefree. it was only after two weeks that the burden of exams was lifted off my hairy chest. haha. but i already started thinking about my future; where will it lead to? will it be for the better? i guess time will tell. I was quite touched by the gift, a bible, given to me by some of my classmates. It really got me thinking about my own religion; hinduism though i still respect my friends for having faith in christianity. i truly believe that whichever religion you abide by the goal is one; to find a purpose in life. At this point, all i can think about is that god has plans for me; be it, big or small. this concludes my pseudo-reflective post.

Life's Good

one word to describe all that happened yesterday/today: Awesome.

the road not taken

it seems that the end is inevitable.

the past twenty moonshines have been bright and fruitful,

friendships were made,

love blossomed.

Yet, something there is that stirs a sense of hollowness.

Lest that it would morph into psychological dislocation.

Apprehensive,

the waiting seems to have taken a toll on me.

I have lived each and every moment to the fullest,

Busy as a bee i had been.

Hopeful that the future that unfolds before my eyes,

Vikram waits patiently in a silk-sedan.

I would like to thank everyone for giving me a reason to smile and laugh.

Displacement

There once lived a man who loved to be known for his intelligence, niceties and his all-rounded disposition,
Yet, there was something between himself and the world
Little did he know that soon, he would feel a sense of detachment from his so-called un-fragmented reality;
He was deluded. Beguiled. Unconcerned.
He then built a wall.
Something there is that doesn't love a wall.
Displacement. Three syllables. One word. One entity.

displacement

it's not what you think it is.

Unfragmented reality

I have never felt so contented with my life up till now as I feel much closer to my five aims. Maybe it is because of my positive energy? Maybe not? Nonetheless, it is the best feeling ever?
I have learnt three new words while analyzing Background and Friezes. (Hats off to Wole for his really insightful poem: reminds me of the trials and tribulations that India had to go through under the tyranny of the British rulers. Jai Hind!)
Auxesis: a form of hyperbole (For instance, the entire first stanza can be seen as an auxesis in order to depict the violence, blood and gore of war: accentuated by the use of hyperbolic analogies and vivid, grotesque imagery)
Ellipsis: a gap in the middle of the sentence (It symbolizes the decapitation in stanza 2)
Meiosis: contrary to auxesis ("Beggar's cup")
I was literally moved by the intense amount of violence depicted in the poem; as if the poem is cast in stone (thus the word "friezes"): pun on the word (freezes) in order to emphasize the unchanging violence of war...universality of suffering
IOC has been a fun experience so far. There's still 10 more days to my IOC! I NEED TO DO WELL FOR IT SINCE I DO NOT REALLY HAVE AN APTITUDE FOR THE LANGUAGE