two months

hey, this post aint really going to be about unicorns and all the good things in life! but heh, it's about my life. the one whole month before IB was definitely the toughest of my life. I studied really hard since i totally failed my prelims; fcuk 37 points! (i deserve a good fcuking thrashing for that). I mean, i never scored so freaking low in my life. I was definitely afraid, fearful that I would not be able to achieve my goals. My entire life flashed before my eyes the day I got my prelim results. I felt like a total failure. FAILURE. i guess, it was a good lesson but heh, I am really fearful about my actual results. Everyone's really happy about IB being over and all, but I have already started thinking about the 6th of Jan. What will happen if I dont achieve my goals? I have worked hard towards it for the past few years. AND i definitely cannot let go of it. AT ALL COSTS. I decided to consider medicine as one of my career options not because of the prestige or the money but for the passion (Since Pri 4!) My eyes seem to have been fixed on this goal for a really long time and I really hope that I get what I want; not for me, but for my family. Thus, after the results, the next 4 weeks were intense. so intense that i fainted once. i guess it was only because of my parents, teachers, and friends that I was able to get past my worries and consider the results of being able to fulfill my dreams. i guess the hardest time was during the exam period itself. I was literally panicking while some of my friends seemed to be kinda carefree. it was only after two weeks that the burden of exams was lifted off my hairy chest. haha. but i already started thinking about my future; where will it lead to? will it be for the better? i guess time will tell. I was quite touched by the gift, a bible, given to me by some of my classmates. It really got me thinking about my own religion; hinduism though i still respect my friends for having faith in christianity. i truly believe that whichever religion you abide by the goal is one; to find a purpose in life. At this point, all i can think about is that god has plans for me; be it, big or small. this concludes my pseudo-reflective post.